fatherhood firsts and therapy: it's not that deep, but it is

With all the small miracles that present themselves daily, there’s something about firsts. 24th June 2023 marked the first year of life for my first child and my first year of fatherhood. What can I say about fatherhood, one year in? It’s humbling. I’m not so sure

love

the chase

a poem

fatherhood

fake it 'til you make it?

Yaseen has started doing this grating groan to convey maybe 50% of his needs these days. Thirsty? Hungry? Wants to violently tug at my ears? Each demand audibly indistinguishable beyond a short but insistent cry that cuts through all noise, only ceasing when his want is catered for. A few

wellbeing

chronically online and i hate it here

In short, I’m fried.

sensemaking

what do you believe?

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ Most of the tweets my wife sends me via DM are meant to be funny. Sometimes they actually are. Often they're veiled attacks in a meme-based proxy war we're engaged in. But in peacetime,

wellbeing

tyred

I don't know if it's something about being a man that necessitates unambiguous pain to realise we're driving on weathered tyres which soon could be naked wheels on tarmac.

friendship

out of sight, out of mind

A reflection on friendship, loss and reconnecting.

creativity

love as recognition

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ I came across a definition of falling in love that feels true. To love someone or something is to perceive the divinity in it; to witness the signature of the Creator in its composition. Those who appear to

spirituality

for the love of love

A reflection on divine love

virtue

conviction

Conviction isn’t a burden inherited from ancestors who through death became beyond reproach or beneath reverence. You cultivate it in yourself everyday, alive and in tact, informing your being and engaging all senses.

Ramadan 2023 Reflection #5: contribution & collaboration

This piece a follow up on a previous post on the true believer framework that you can read here. In the name of God, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate. contribution Around 2017/2018, I became really interested in effective altruism (pre-Sam Bankman-Fried's FTX scandal). I even went

Ramadan 2023 Reflection #4: dare i call myself a true believer?

Over the last few weeks, the question of purpose has been a fervent antagoniser. In truth, it's an underlying query that sits close to the surface of my skin at all times.

spirituality

Ramadan 2023 Reflection #3: the world has rights over you

In the quiet moments of rumination afforded by these early mornings - streets empty and activity suspended in sleep - one theme has been prominent in my mind; the Quran’s injunction that the world has rights over us.

identity

Ramadan 2023 Reflections #2: a life in compartments

A dear friend shared a piece of writing where she unpacks the misery that arises from living a life in compartments; partially realised, invulnerable and disjointed.

spirituality

Ramadan 2023 Reflections #1

In the name of God, the Merciful, the most Compassionate. May you find these words in a state of peace. Ramadan is upon us. It has descended in stealth as the fullest moon lights the sky; the month of mercy illuminated like the sight that marks its arrival. Ramadan is

virtue

deceit & the slow death of self

Four cups rest idly on a serving tray, accompanied by a metal teaspoon and a clear pitcher of water. My mother carefully pours water into the empty mouths of three, before cracking open a bottle of (non-alcoholic) gin; releasing a tipple of similar measure into the last. A spoonful of

wellbeing

You Cannot Bio-Hack Your Way To Happiness

If there’s a bio hack, I’ve tried it. Years plant-based, Dr Sebi prescribed alkaline diets, 5 day water fasting, one meal a day protocols, herbal colonics, cold showers, wim hof breathing, nootropic stacks. If circumstances aligned, it wouldn’t have taken much convincing for me to perform an

health

Cavernoma Diaries

At 1:15am my 8 month old son broke what I had come to consider a divinely gifted streak of relatively painless nights sleeps in spectacular fashion. To conclude a 90min succession of false starts, cries, and attempts at pinching the raw flesh off my arms - after much comforting

wellbeing

rest and renewal in dakar

highway to touba 190km of highway forms a straight line from Dakar to Touba. An expanse of sun burnt grass and dispersed trees hug both sides of the road so that at speed the yellows, browns and greens of the natural landscape blur in your periphery. At a slower pace,

views from the third floor

There’s something about multiples of 10. Maybe it’s the roundness of numbers that lends them an air of definitiveness. A completion. For some people turning 30 is like swallowing a bitter truth - adulthood has grabbed you by the nape of your neck and is here to inform

fatherhood

an uncomfortable transition

Recently, I became a father. The moment I found out wasn’t like in the movies. It wasn’t the joyous outburst from finally receiving the hopeful result of planning and preparation - in truth, it wasn’t planned at all. My wife and I were just beginning to emerge

identity

wednesday's child is full of woe

The protagonist in my story is a restless soul. It's high velocity and excitable, but not in a way that might be placated by proximity to danger or the thrill of an uncertain adventure.