for the love of love

الرَّحِيْمِ الرَّحْمٰنِ اللهِ بِسْمِ

Love is a loaded word. As freely as it escapes the lips of the romantically inclined, for me, it weights too heavily on the tongue to be spoken out so liberally. I once thought of love as a material thing; finite in existence. So if its declaration could be coerced from my mouth, it necessitated perfection in substance, delivery, and unquestionable sincerity from both sender and recipient. Rarely could all align, so rarely was it uttered. In my upbringing, love was a kinetic force of silent recognitions and inaudible gestures so it was natural for me to see myself, at times, as a low maintenance purveyor and a reluctant buyer of this ineffable state.

Yet, I think about love more now than I've ever done before, and slowly feel less resistance in expressing it too. I think that the project of becoming fully human depends on it. More recently, I've come to imagine love as the primordial spirit of everything beautiful, and as dearly as I would hope to adorn myself with beauty, becoming a vessel for love appears to be pre-requisite.

in the Prophet's prayer for love

I've been reading The Prophet's Pulpit: Commentary on the State of Islam by Shaykh Khaled Abou El Fadl - sitting with the themes explored an essay at a time. There's a chapter named "In The Prophet's Prayer for Love" - based on a khutbah (lecture) delivered by Shaykh El Fadl in 2019 - which particularly struck me.

"God, grant me Your love, and the love of those who love You, and a love for every deed that brings me closer to Your love"

It speaks to a longing in my heart that I’ve felt for years but haven’t seen communicated so explicitly. In this comprehensive supplication, everything that I’ve erroneously looked for in my various exploits - romantic, platonic, chemical, professional, intellectual - have been attempts of varying intensities to realise this desire. My best approximations of love: translucent reflections, bounded by my own level of receptivity to (and fear or ignorance of) the real thing. How much love have I let pass through me without absorbing its warmth?

I’m putting it to the test and making this request a staple if not sole demand in life, because if there is anything I’m sure I want from this temporary experience, it is that. To know love. To receive it and to radiate it in all its forms. To make a home in the place it resides; inviting others inside when it seems most distant.

Club Revelation

When I think of connection and clarity, there is a personalised, almost conversational element that comes to mind in actions like prayer, and a more generalised, but still deeply profound communication that comes from scripture. They compliment each other because the extracted fruit of meaningfully engaging with the text, in my experience, has often been a direct call to action. It’s difficult to be complacent about your virtuosity when you read the Qur’an, because although the Islamic creed is relatively simple, practicing it with pure intention raises the bar for human excellence far higher than any personal development book or billionaire’s biography cares to aspire to.

Approached with humility, regardless of your identification as a "believer" you recognise yourself in the description of the disbelievers and hypocrites, as much as you do the prophets and the righteous. You find examples of times that you demonstrated detestable attributes, but also your better nature and potential for beauty. You see parallels between the day you exist in and that of the past. The archetypal figures display the universality in human experience and the consistent challenges and discourse exhibited by mankind. You find yourself on your hero’s journey. You receive reminders of the signs of divinity in nature - the overarching order in the apparent chaos. It’s a mirror for those who care to see.

Towards this endeavour, I’ve continued my attempts at a systematic, verse by verse study of the Qur’an (in English) by enrolling in a weekly virtual class. If I stay the course, as currently prescribed, I would have completed it in about six years which is a significant time horizon, but allows for the depth of enquiry and accessibility that my lifestyle can afford me at the moment. I’m looking forward to exploring the transformative effect that developing a love and appreciation for the Qur’an can cultivate because ultimately, as I suggest above, all that is beautiful in this life boils down to an expression of love. The Qur’an is described as a mercy to mankind not only as a revealed expression of love from the Divine, but as a guidance calling the recipient towards love, through the service of love. May our lives, however small or grand in the cosmic scale, be rooted in this effort.

If you enjoy my reflections, subscribe and get a weekly essay sent straight to your inbox!